Have you ever given any thought to the impact you have on the people you meet and how your words and thoughts even affect how you feel about yourself?
Growing up, I wasn’t a particularly happy teenager and my hormones made me sullen, judgemental and argumentative! I felt misunderstood and very sorry for myself and my learned behaviour (family pattern) was that of both victim and martyr. I felt unloved and unlovable, but learned very quickly, that telling my “poor me” stories at least gave me something to talk about and seemingly made me interesting! They helped me feel connected and understood … but not necessarily by people who were good for me!
After a few years though I came to the conclusion that there was nothing uplifting about the friendships I was creating … we thrived on negativity. And every time I made a new friend or started a new relationship, it never lasted. I eventually realised that I didn’t like who I’d become and so it was no surprise when they didn’t seem to like me much either! It happened too frequently to be a coincidence and I finally accepted that if anything was going to change, I would have to actively decide to change it.
I started watching what I was saying and if I didn’t have anything good to say, I practised saying nothing. It was tough! I tried not to gossip but rather to see the best in people. That was tough too! Slowly but surely I saw how my words were a declaration of exactly who I was, and I no longer wanted to appear to be that negative person.
Around that time, I was blessed to meet a lovely soul called Helena. Oh my God! She was so positive ABOUT EVERYTHING and everyone loved her (and still do!)! She constantly had a smile on her face and used to regularly declare “I love my life” even though her life seemed pretty normal to me! She was like an angel who had been sent to model for me how a positive person comes across in the world. And, to this day, I still feel bad when I catch myself making a negative comment, and when I can’t find the best, most integrity lead response instead, I ask myself “What would Helena say?” That always puts me back on the right path and I would absolutely recommend that you find your own version of Helena to inspire you too.
So why are the words we speak so important?
- They show the world exactly who we are.
- They indicate our intentions.
- They reflect the level of our integrity, or lack of it.
- Once out, they cannot be taken back.
- Our self-talk determines our self-esteem.
- They all create an impression and have consequences.
Take a look at children, for example. They are so receptive and, until they get older and more cynical, believe everything they are told. Tell a child they are stupid or clever and they will develop accordingly, or when a doctor gives a prognosis of 6 months, that person’s life often unfolds according to that timeframe. So, one word can affect someone’s whole life and you never know the impact you have had.
If this resonates with you and you really want to challenge yourself, why not try this exercise? For one day, be aware of and responsible for EVERY word that comes out of your mouth and, if you haven’t got anything positive to say, keep quiet! If you decide to play along, it means no moaning, no blaming, no gossiping, no judging. Have fun with this! You may be surprised what you learn!
So, if you replace the negativity with positive stories, only speak well of others, practise gratitude for your blessings and accept people as they are, then life will become easier and your health, as well as your relationship with yourself, will improve! It’s radical, I know … but any improvements will make you feel better. I promise!
And if this has piqued your interest, take a look at the sister piece of this article … it’s about keeping your word and what happens when you don’t!
Let’s get you back to living life feeling well.
This article forms part of the series (At My) Wit’s End Wisdom