I’m never quite sure what to do or say when someone comes to see me with the attitude, “Here is all my power.  Make me better, but don’t expect me to change anything I’m doing!”  My heart sinks in that moment because I know I’m going to have to deal with that attitude before there is any chance of healing occurring.

The problem is that we all want an easy life and there is always a benefit to be found in the behaviour we choose.  We eat ready-made food because it’s convenient or we don’t exercise because we prefer to lounge in front of the tv after a hard day’s work.  Time is often a factor too.  It takes time to practise self-care and so we make excuses or blame circumstances in order to explain why a change in behaviour isn’t possible. 

But if someone is manifesting symptoms of ill health it may well be because, as we get older, our body can no longer keep up with the abuse we inflict on it … and it starts to complain!  

And many people choose to believe that illness comes out of nowhere.  It’s something which is inflicted on us by an unknown power over which we have no control … which is, of course, rubbish!

So, my first task with such patients is to encourage them to take responsibility for where they find themselves.  And that is when the battle begins!  “It’s not my fault, guv!  I had nothing to do with this,” is a common response.  But if not you, then who? 

Do you feel as if you’re at this junction and don’t know where to begin?  Don’t worry.  It really is a lot easier than you imagine.  Don’t look upon it as a huge mountain to climb.  One step to start with is all you need.  And as you notice improvement, you will feel empowered to take another step.

Of course, not all illness results from our behaviour.  I’m talking mainly about people who have been perfectly healthy for years and then aren’t.  And sometimes the causes aren’t very obvious.  In the case of obesity-related symptoms it’s easy to point a finger at eating habits, but stress-related symptoms from repressed or unexpressed emotions are a little more difficult to recognise for oneself and can go undetected for a long time.

I love learning languages and decided recently to build on my knowledge of Spanish by using the App Duolingo.  It’s a great and easy way to learn and I really enjoy it.  However, in order to suck you into paying a monthly fee, they have a league system in place, which means that the top 7 people are promoted to the next league each week.  And in order to get into the top 7, you have to do loads of exercises to accumulate more points than the other guys in the league.  It really brings out the competitor in me and I found myself stressing out every weekend as I tried to ensure I was in the top 7 by 10pm on Sunday evening when promotion or demotion took place.

At the same time, I started having digestive problems and stomach pains.  I thought of several things which might be causing this and started eating more simple food, but nothing changed.  I then started to notice a feeling of heaviness in my body whenever I thought that I “should” do some more Spanish.  I watched this for a day and realised that this was the problem.  Something I was supposedly doing to relax was actually causing me to get sick! 

If you’re honest with yourself, is there anything you’re doing in your life which might be detrimental to your health … but you don’t want to admit to it?

So, I had a word with myself.  I promised myself that I would listen to my inner voice.  If I thought about doing some Spanish and felt the heaviness descent, I wouldn’t do it.  I even gave myself permission to not be promoted each week, unless it just happened naturally.  And, like an addict, I promised myself I would stop each time it stopped being fun.

And guess what?  The pains started to dissipate in that moment and disappeared by the end of the next day.

The problem with taking responsibility for our actions is that, once acknowledged, we can no longer be an ostrich and pretend it has nothing to do with us!  So when people come to me, my main job at the beginning is to get them to take ownership of themselves, their attitudes and their behaviours. 

The biggest “Aha!” moment for people is when they realise that they are, and always have been, in control.  They are where they are as a result of all their choices up to that moment.  And if they don’t like where they are, they can simply make different choices.

And that’s when the healing begins!

How about making a list of a few things in your life which you aren’t happy with and then giving some thought to what the cause might be and the impact it might be having on your physical health?  And then decide on one change you can make to take back control.

Let’s get you back to living life feeling well.

This article forms part of the series (At My) Wit’s End Wisdom